its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
