When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
