I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
