So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
