what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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