From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
