why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
