Betty ford says i'm here all night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
