I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
being pregnant is like rehab
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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