I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
