So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize