i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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