Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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