I faked an abortion last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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