You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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