He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The ass gains better be worth it
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