They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
