just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
