So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
