okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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