the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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