I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
