your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
