the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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