Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
