sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
