Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
