i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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