I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
