Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
