Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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