I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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