We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
