she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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