why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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