I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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