you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What a dumb baby whore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
