I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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