Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
