it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
