dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
