Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
