Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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