well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
