fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
