I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this hospital has no fireball
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
