wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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