Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
