I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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