He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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