Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize