omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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