My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
