...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
