You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
