What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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