is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
