Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
