I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
