these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
