No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im part way to drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
