she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I still have a little drunk in my system
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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