You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
