i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
