captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tornado booty call.. dedication
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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