apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
