If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
