There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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