Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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