God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
