just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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